Parenting in the First Year of Life
Just how early in a child's life does the quality of parenting matter? Research conducted by
psychologists John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth of Stony Brook University has resulted in a
psychological model called, "Attachment Theory," which shows the quality of parenting
received by a child in the first year of life is critical.
The first group of caregivers in the study responded to signals of hunger or discomfort and
happiness or distress; this consistent and appropriate response provided infants with inherent
power feelings that are critical in producing a mentally healthy child.
The second group of caregivers inconsistently or inappropriately responded to the infant,
resulting in future powerless feelings. These children ended up with anxiety, dependence, and
easy victimization. Without the internal feeling of power, they become ineffective at dealing
with life's challenges.
The third group of caregivers provided no emotional response to the infant's displays for
hunger or comfort. These infants grew up prone to violence and antisocial behavior. Chronic
unresponsiveness lead to what the researchers called, "anxious avoidance attachment." This
condition leads to a life pattern that features unquenchable anger, frustration, and aggressive,
violent behavior.
So what key guidelines should a parent attempt to follow if they wish join the first group? lt's
not that complicated or mysterious! A parent simply establishes a positively responsive
communication pattern with the infant. Attentiveness to the behavior the infant displays
should be met with a friendly, open, responsive, and reliable effort to establish a two-way
interaction. Again, if the infant feels the caregiver will be available to meet their needs, they
will emerge with a feeling of internal power, which provides them with a skeleton key that will
open the door to a wonderful life.
When children nurtured with the ‘power instilling’ recommendation reach the age of one, it is then the time for caregivers to begin to shape that power into a more promising outcome. This power if left to flourish in an atmosphere of self-indulgence, total freedom of expression, and natural cravings will likely result in a child that’s too outspoken, defiant, and demanding of gratification. Parents often refer to this stage of life as ‘the terrible twos’. Children need our tender affection, understanding, and respect. However, the nature of unchecked power is also subject to the hedonistic bent of human nature, and if unchecked will result in “spoiling” the child.
Research suggest that our human species has evolved over the past two million years from the chimpanzee and bonobo which are humankind’s closet relatives. Those great ape species possess quite different temperaments. The chimpanzee is aggressive and self-serving while the bonobo is loving and empathetic. Research has shown that as humans we possess genetic predispositions in both directions, and it is through our parental interactions that either of the two traits achieves dominance. While it is true that internal feelings of power are essential for children to flourish, we need to remember the conventional truth that “absolute power corrupts.”
After instilling internal feelings of power in our children, caregivers are well advised that it is time to begin to foster a healthy balance between these two instinctual precursors. Don’t wait to deal with issues which are unacceptable. Before your child reaches the stage, decide how you’re going to act the first time your child throws a tantrum because they didn’t get their way. That interfacing is enhanced by the application of healthy parenting practices which are outlined in the Parenting Cookbook. Early and appropriate use of natural and logical consequences may be considered most useful in accomplishing that task. Learning theory suggest that good decision making is to be found in children whose parents expose them to conditioning through free choice; free choice that is followed by exposure to positive or negative consequences. The ideas presented in the Parenting Cookbook are a guide that shows parents, how and when those consequences may be applied. Caregivers that follow such advice can take solace in knowing that they have done what is necessary to instill proper values and sound decision making in their children.