If you agree that every child deserves to feel loved, then the following suggestions will work at helping you show it. These ten suggestions were taken from a scientific study of what a parent can show a youngster that, when demonstrated, consistently will fill the child with that important feeling. The ideas deal with what children look for as external proof that someone truly cares about them and if provided on a regular basis will help them grow into mentally healthy adults.
Ten things that spell love to a child:
Was genuinely interested in my affairs.
Made me feel wanted and needed.
Talked to me in a warm and affectionate way.
Praised me when I deserved it.
Tried to help me when I was scared or upset.
Respected my point of view and encouraged me to express it.
Reasoned with me and explained possible harmful consequences when I misbehaved.
Tried to help me learn to live comfortably with myself.
Was willing to discuss regulations with me and took my point of view into
consideration in making them.
Said nice things about me.
Should a parent agree with the above list of ideas, then perhaps they will devise methods to deliver them in a loving way. If you are successful at accomplishing that task you will have
provided your young ones with one of life's most important blessings.
The following information will help parents to better understanding the make-up of what it takes to be able to classify yourself as a loving parent.
The Loving Parent
These parents give the child warm and loving attention. They try to help hirn/her with projects that are important to them, but they are not intrusive. They are more likely to reason with the child than to punish, but will apply natural and logical consequences regarding misbehavior. They give praise, but not indiscriminately. They try specifically to help their child through problems in the way best for the child. The child feels able to confide in them and to ask them for help. They invite their friends to the house and try to make things attractive for them. They encourage independence and are willing to let the child take chances in order to grow towards it. The parent takes the time to give thought regarding the child's problems.
PARENTING PRACTICES THAT TURN GOOD CHILDREN INTO BAD ONES
The reasons behind why some children grow up to become criminals while others do not, is a
question that has puzzled generations of parents. Research has shown that the general consensus is that children who are not raised properly are at greater risk of going bad, while those raised properly seem, somehow to turn out better.
Sometimes the reason children go bad can be traced to factors that go beyond being raised properly. These may include: 1) Being raised in a high-crime neighborhood. 2) Simply living in poverty. 3) Experiencing emotional/verbal abuse, sexual abuse, physical abuse, and household dysfunction. 4) Exposure to domestic violence or parents with mental illness or substance abuse problems.
Parents, who are concerned and seeking to raise an honest, law abiding child need to consider the above factors and seek to avoid or correct them. Research also, suggests that children, especially boys who are fatherless from birth are three times more likely to go bad as are children raised from intact families. Children with a positive father/child relationship are less likely to belong to gangs, steal, run away or get arrested for breaking the law.
Mothers (whether biological or a stepmother) also, play an important role in the development of establishing an internal moral conscience in their children. If such a relationship is lacking in emotional attachment during, even, the first few years, permanent harm is done to the child's capacity to emotionally attach to others, which may result in juvenile delinquency and the development of an antisocial personality.
Further research has also determined that a child's emotional attachment to his parents, if adequate, will ensure a well-adjusted adult. Ronald Simons, a professor at Iowa State University, in summarizing his research findings stated: "Rejected children tend to distrust and attribute malevolent motives to others, with the result being a defensive, if not aggressive, approach to peer interactions....Such (rejecting) parents not only fail to model and reinforce pro-social behavior, they actually provide training in aggressive non-compliant behavior."
In fact, neuroimaging studies have found that parental rejection and physical pain are felt in the same parts of the brain, which explains why it has such a powerfully negative effect on a child's emotional development. Further, scientific investigation has confirmed a strong connection between parental rejection and antisocial behavior in adolescents and young adults.
If parents wish to avoid such an outcome, it is clear that they need to be aware of and to not raise their children in a "rejecting" manner.
In an effort to educate the concerned parent of what behaviors are considered "rejecting" it is suggested that parents be aware of just what would be considered--rejecting parenting practices.
To this end the following list of parenting practices should be reviewed. This list has been taken from the Parent Child Rating Scale – 2, developed by Roe and Siegelman and represents specific behaviors that are considered rejecting.
Was too busy to answer my questions.
Did not spend any more time with me than they had to.
Did not consider me when making plans.
Went out of their way to hurt my feelings.
Ridiculed and made fun of me.
Complained about me.
Paid no attention to me.
Ignored me as long as I did not do anything to disturb them.
Thought it was bad for a child to be given affection and tenderness.
Did not try to help me learn things.
Behaviors such as these describe the rejecting parent who follow a more extreme pattern of the overly demanding parents, because it becomes rejecting when their attitude is a rejection of the childishness of the child. They may also reject him/her as an individual. They are cold and hostile, derogate the child and make fun of them and their inadequacies and problems. They may frequently leave him alone and often have no regard for the child's point of view. The regulations they establish are not for the sake or training the child, but for protecting the parent from his/her intrusions.
In summary, lack of parental supervision, parental rejection and lack of parent-child involvement are consistent indicators of delinquent behavior. Parenting that features inconsistent, incoherent, overly punitive or too permissive methods of discipline also increase the risk of delinquency.
There is no magic formula that will guarantee that a child will not go bad. However, if parents are aware of the parenting practices that turn our precious children into criminals, they may then be better able to avoid turning good seeds into bad ones.